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All reviews - Movies (141) - TV Shows (2) - Books (4) - Games (19)

"Dude, Where's My Car?" (2000)

Posted : 4 years, 2 months ago on 6 June 2013 08:49 (A review of Dude, Where's My Car?)


To cut right to the point, this movie sucks! Big time!
I've heard people say that The Hangover is basically a remake of Dude, Where's My Car? Well, they're right: it's more or less the same formula. Two guys wake up, can't remember a thing about the previous night, and discover increasingly just how much they got up to. But the characters' goal here is paper-thin, and none of their actions are in any way fun.
As you can probably guess, I really don't like these characters. They're obviously trying to cash in on the 90s stoner craze, but they fall completely flat. Doesn't help any that the acting across the board is God-awful!
On top of that, the movie just isn't funny. It's not painfully unfunny, though; I was mostly just sitting there indifferent. Except for several times when the movie keeps extending the same joke to the point where it gets torturously repetitive. Even more maddening is that those extended jokes are the only reason the movie barely passes the eighty-minute mark!
For most of the movie, I wasn't really mad at it: just bored. Until the last twenty minutes, that is, when the movie plummets off a fucking cliff! Without actually giving away the ending, let's just say shit flies off the deep end so drastically that it just makes you slap your forehead – hard! It's a jaw-droppingly stupid climax!
There's really nothing else worth mentioning with this movie. It just sucks. It's just two really unlikable people doing really uninteresting things, and there isn't a single gag that works.

My rating: 30%

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"Dirty Dancing" (1987)

Posted : 4 years, 2 months ago on 5 June 2013 09:09 (A review of Dirty Dancing)


The Spoony One once said that Dirty Dancing is one so-called "chick flick" that guys can actually enjoy as well. And he's right. :) Yes, to cut right to the point, I liked it.
I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that we follow Jennifer Grey's character, "Baby", right from the start, which puts everyone watching the movie into the mindset of a teenage girl; we can understand her thought process. It certainly helps that the guy she falls for actually is talented! :) Twilight should have learned from this movie! The romance here has a much more substantive foundation.
The dance sequences themselves are a lot of fun to watch, and sometimes irresistibly sensual; they could almost tell the whole love story in themselves.
The film's only real detractor is the villains. Good God are they boring! It's just the clichéd oppressive higher-ups, and they're all stick-in-the-muds who simply won't listen.
Honestly, I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts to properly describe this movie. All I can say is that I did get wrapped up in it – again, because the two leads do share a genuine connection. The opening was pretty confusing, not really establishing the characters and the resort well enough, but the central relationship doesn't put one foot wrong. And you couldn't have asked for a better ending! :)

My rating: I'm torn between 65% and 70%

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"A Cinderella Story" (2004)

Posted : 4 years, 2 months ago on 3 June 2013 05:53 (A review of A Cinderella Story)


Okay, A Cinderella Story. I only watched this for the sake of completing the Movie Compatibility Test on Flixster, since I don't like to use the "not interested" rating: I'll give any movie a chance. And this is one of the movies on that test that I was looking the least forward to seeing (okay, not the least, but we'll get to that later).
Now, I'm not one to diss girls' movies just because I'm not their target audience; I try to keep an open mind. But this one… it's terrible, plain and simple!
I understand that it's basically just telling the straight-up Cinderella fairytale but in the modern day. But superimposing a modern-day setting just draws more attention to how one-dimensional fairytales are. It doesn't work.
I can't stand the stepmother or the male lead's jealous ex-girlfriend because, again, they're just one-dimensional bitches with no character other than to simply be antagonists. Especially, with the stunts they pull at the end of the second act, I just wanted to punch them square in the face – but not for the reasons the story wanted. It's because they're such base, cardboard-cutout bullies that I just wanted them to get a clue! I just wanted to get their comeuppance over with and move on.
The only thing I liked was the character of Rhonda. Again, she's just meant to be a stereotypical supportive offset to the cruel real family, but at least her screen time isn't a chore to sit through!
Bottom line: just stick to the fairytale itself, not this pig drivel!

My rating: turkey

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"Doctor Zhivago" (1965)

Posted : 4 years, 2 months ago on 2 June 2013 07:42 (A review of Doctor Zhivago)


Today's classic that I've finally got round to seeing is Doctor Zhivago.
It's a romantic epic in the same vein as Gone with the Wind: it's seemingly less about the romance and more about how the characters survive in a harsh war-torn world. In this regard, it works very well. I especially love the sequence where Yuri escapes from the partisans: you feel the same sense of relief he does when he sees Lara's house again after so long.
The one downside to the film, though – and it is a big one – is that it doesn't explain its historical backdrop very well for uneducated slobs like me. With Gone with the Wind, you don't need to know the history beforehand to understand the context of the film. But here, I just didn't understand the purpose of the war, who was on which side and what they were fighting for. And since so much of the story revolves around that, the film as a whole really lost me.
One thing I have to say: I was very much surprised when I realised the Christmas Eve party scene was over an hour into the film! :) "We're an hour in," I was thinking, "and very little has happened." I had no idea; I thought I was only about half an hour in. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Overall, because the film doesn't have a three-act structure, it all depends on whether or not you like the characters enough to share in their meandering adventures. I personally liked them okay, but it would help if I understood exactly what their peril was.
So my conclusion is: it's a good movie, but it's not a great movie.

My rating: 70%

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"The Longest Yard" [AKA "The Mean Machine"] (1974)

Posted : 4 years, 2 months ago on 1 June 2013 09:58 (A review of The Longest Yard)


Just saw the original Longest Yard – or, as it's apparently called in the UK, The Mean Machine. Yeah, imagine my confusion, especially knowing about the Adam Sandler remake!
This is the second American football movie I watched today, after revisiting The Blind Side! :D And I… didn't like it. I'm sorry: this seems to be a very popular movie, but it didn't do a thing for me at all.
I am not a sports fan myself, but that doesn't necessarily mean I won't like a sports movie. It all depends on whether or not I like the characters enough to cheer for them. But here, I just didn't care. They're all prisoners – hell, we even hear about some of the grisly crimes they committed – so why should I care?
Even in the climax, when (spoilers) Crewe keeps going just to defy the warden, I still didn't care. And, since I don't understand the rules to American football, the game itself made no sense to me.
On the whole, I just found the movie dull and far too long.

My rating: 40%

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"Planet of the Apes" (1968)

Posted : 4 years, 3 months ago on 11 May 2013 09:05 (A review of Planet of the Apes)


I used to post full reviews on this site right after seeing movies for the first time, but just found it too damn difficult. I think most will agree that the more times you see a movie, the easier it is to form a concrete opinion. So I've decided to revise my reviews, holding off on full ones until I see the movie multiple times. But, since they say the first impression is very important, I think it's only fitting to still make my initial gut reactions known. So here's my first short "first impressions" review.

So yesterday I finally got round to seeing the original Planet of the Apes – but I didn't comment on it right away because, as yet, I wasn't thinking straight. But suffice to say, for me, the movie definitely lived up to its hype! :)
For one thing, it's a much darker movie than I was expecting! Not only are the humans in this world brutally oppressed, but what happens to Charlton Heston's comrades is actually really shocking.
But on top of that, the humans being in the reverse position of the apes, in terms of the contrast it creates, is a hilariously brilliant idea. But it also makes for a fantastic parallel of the big religion-versus-evolution argument. The movie doesn't come out and preach all that social and theological satire, though: it all blends right into the story.
The ape makeup effects are stunning, even if the lips don't always sync up properly and you can tell that the makeup is impeding the actors' speech.
I love the music – anything by Jerry Goldsmith, I think is gold.
And the ending, even though it's since been flat-out spoiled because that iconic image is now on every poster for the movie, is still a great twist.
So, on the whole, I think this is one of many movies whose reputation precedes it. Planet of the Apes is a great movie.

My rating: 95%

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