Reviews by MaxL

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

A newlywed couple, played by Rose Byrne and Rafe Spall, are told that if they can make it through the first year of marriage, they'll be set. Nine months down the line, the hardships of marriage are starting to take their toll, and they're both cheating on each other.
Now, because this is from the co-writer of Borat, I'm surprised I didn't go in expecting to hate it: I had heard it was good. But, during the opening scenes, the Borat similarities definitely showed, and my heart sank. A lot of the humour is derived from being straight-up crass, especially with sex jokes. But, to my surprise, the movie as a whole wasn't painfully unfunny, like I'd expected: for most of it, I was just sitting there indifferent.
But now let's talk about the film's message. Through most of it, I was thinking the moral was for married couples to embrace each other's imperfections, not hold them against them. But (spoilers here, sorry) the ending completely reverses this by turning it into an admittedly hilarious joke where they're as joyful about the idea of a divorce as they should have been about the marriage. Some might say that this shamefully promotes infidelity, but I don't think that's meant to be taken as a serious moral: it's all just part of the writer's twisted sense of humour.
But overall, it's not very funny or emotionally satisfying. So I'd just sum up this one with, "Meh."

My rating: 50%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The plot follows Billy Taggart (Mark Wahlberg), a former dirty cop turned private eye, who's hired by the Mayor of New York City (Russell Crowe) to find out who his wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones) is having an affair with. After he seemingly finds the answer, things get even more complicated.
Honestly, I have very little to say about this movie. It was middle-of-the-road, it was mediocre, and it didn't leave much of an impression on me at all. I'm not entirely sure why, though.
Maybe it's the familiarity of it all. As the film progresses, it gets increasingly predictable, and the ending packs no surprises at all.
I do kind of like how Billy turns against the mayor halfway through the movie, but I just didn't care for everything that followed. The mayor's grand scheme just comes off to me as a cliché.
Also, there are two action sequences in the second half, and they're both incompetently filmed.
In any case, I simply didn't care what was happening throughout the movie, and I just found the whole thing bland and forgettable.

My rating: 45%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Sideways follows two best friends, Jack and Miles, who are spending the last week before Jack's wedding in California's wine country.
I always have a tough time reviewing movies like this – comedy dramas that are fairly grounded in reality – because there's not really that much to critique. But in short, I really liked Sideways.
The movie basically invites you to share Jack and Miles' journey and follow their trials and tribulations, and it's definitely a fun and even enlightening journey.
Jack and Miles themselves sort of contrast each other: Jack always believes in living life to its fullest, but often acts on impulse without thinking ahead, while Miles is more cynical and reserved, especially since his divorce. I can't psychoanalyse the characters the way Doug Walker did, but I will say this. I don't know what this'll say about me, but I'd say I'm more like Miles (minus the divorce), so I'd need someone like Jack to encourage me to take some chances.
So much of the movie is very down-to-earth that, whenever there is a funny moment, it's all the funnier because it seems genuinely out of the ordinary. For example, I won't dare reveal the pickle that Jack ends up in towards the end! :D
To sum up, if you're looking for a movie that takes you on an experience that feels very real, with some bumps in the road but is overall a good time, I say give Sideways a watch.

My rating: 80%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra… is one of the worst action movies I've ever seen in my life! Yes, this was one of the most miserable two hours I've ever had! It's almost as bad as Transformers 2 – and believe me, coming from me, that is very, very bad indeed!
I should clarify first that I never watched the 80s GI Joe show, and I don't know how well this movie represents the characters from the toy line-up.
I can say, though, that the performances are all dull and uninspired, and the CGI is awful – some of the worst I've ever seen!
But I think the biggest problem is that the pacing is too fucking fast! The whole narrative rushes along far too quickly to allow you to take anything in. Even by about the five-minute mark, I was going, "Slow the fuck down!" Every scene feels like the movie's in a hurry to just get it over with.
The fact that the action scenes are so frequent, and so terribly shot and edited, makes things even more insufferable. Again, it's all cut far too quickly, and the pacing doesn't let anything set itself up properly, so no moment is given the chance to be exciting.
And the last act is a symphony of woefully predictable clichés.
In a nutshell, this movie is way too fast-paced for its own good. The inconsiderate pace and absolutely abysmal effects make it a raw showcase of pure frustration.

My rating: turkey

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Some people label this as a "so bad it's good" movie, but I had a feeling I wouldn't be laughing that much at it. And I was right. But neither did it have me tearing at my hair, like Lady in the Water did. At the end, it just left me wondering, "What the hell did I just see?"
The plot is that a strange epidemic is causing mass suicide, which turns out to be the plants releasing an airborne toxin. Supposedly, it's because the plants see the growing human population as a threat and it's their only way to defend themselves. I know it's supposed to be an environmental message, but it just comes off as stupid.
The characters are stupid too – sometimes insufferably so. For example, there's a scene where a large group of people learn that the attacks are occurring in populated areas, but then they decide they'd be better off staying in big groups. Did you not just hear yourselves, you morons?!
I did laugh a few times, though. Like why does Alma feel that she cheated on Elliot just because she had dessert (yes, dessert!) with another man? And Mark Wahlberg, at one point, delivers one of the most outrageously awful pieces of acting I've ever seen.
Overall, I think the Rotten Tomatoes consensus says it best: it's just an incoherent and unconvincing mess. You just sit there watching it, going, "…What the fuck is this?"

My rating: 25%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Right before this movie started, I said to myself, "Let's get this over with." I knew it was going to be bad… but I didn't think this bad! This was damn near intolerable!
The plot is that Cleveland, an apartment complex handyman, finds a mysterious woman (named Story) in the pool, discovers that she's an entity from an old bedtime story, and has to use clues from the tale to help her get home.
First of all, the dialogue in this movie is hideously bad, especially from Story herself!
But it was Cleveland's asking around for information that constantly aggravated me. He's making himself sound insane, but no one ever questions him! And it's just ludicrous how the group of people he assembles just goes along with it, no questions asked! I swear, I was facepalming for more than half the movie!
Also, this movie is basically Shyamalan giving a big "fuck you" to critics. The character Shyamalan himself plays is a deeply inspirational writer. And there's a critic character who's described as arrogant and has no right to determine people's positions.
Overall, "awkward" is the best word to describe this movie. It's just really, really awkward.

My rating: 15%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The residents of a small rural village live in harmony, except for fear of the mysterious creatures in the woods beyond the village. Now the villagers believe that the alliance between them and the monsters has been broken.
Most people agree that this is where Shyamalan definitely went downhill. I may not have liked Signs, but at least it had potential to be a good movie. The Village, however, just flat-out fails.
First of all, the acting is just as wooden as Signs – except for Adrien Brody, who easily upstages everyone else. And I guess Shyamalan was trying to make the dialogue sound old-fashioned, but that's all it sounds like: an imitation of that dialect.
But perhaps my main problem with the movie is that it's slow! Painfully so! It feels ironed out to its hundred-minute length!
The opening scenes raise plenty of questions about where things are going to go, but the movie takes a long time to establish what its real focus is.
It's towards the end, however, that the movie hits rock bottom. The last half-hour is a constant barrage of weak twist after weak twist.
It's dull, boring, unfocused and just all-around tedious.

My rating: 35%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I know a lot of people like this movie, but at the same time, many other people have already pointed out how flawed it is, so I don't feel I have anything significant to add.
I understand what the movie was going for: an alien invasion scenario that focuses entirely on an ordinary rural family and how the crisis unfolds from their perspective. In this regard, the movie could have worked. Other movies, like Night of the Living Dead, have used that idea of a limited focus to great effect. But here, it's all ruined by terrible acting and some really stupid writing – too many examples to get into.
Yes, the acting is a major problem with this movie. No one ever shows any emotion whatsoever, which completely kills any tension. I know Shyamalan usually goes for a downbeat tone, but for a movie like this, you really need something more realistic.
To sum it up, this is basically Wasted Potential: The Movie. It has its moments, and could easily have been an engrossing and bone-chilling horror film, if only the story had been thought out a little better and the acting had actually been competent.

My rating: 45%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The plot is basically that David Dunn (Bruce Willis) is the only survivor of a horrific train crash – completely unharmed. Then he's approached by Elijah Prince (Samuel L Jackson), who believes that, because David has never been injured in his life, he's a real-life embodiment of a comic book superhero.
Elijah's theory seems absurd at first, but gradually starts to make sense as the movie progresses. I especially like how, as a security guard, David has an instinct for wrongdoing, which Elijah sees as a human trait that's the basis for super powers. It gets to the point where he can tell if someone's got a skeleton in their closet just by touching them. :)
But sadly, this is one of those movies that seems to end too soon. The climax doesn't give you any indication that you're nearing the end of the movie; it feels like you're only at the end of the second act. (I had the same problem with Rambo 4 and Hostel: Part II.)
But on the whole, my first impression of Unbreakable is that it's pretty good. It's a well-written and thoughtful take on heroes combined with life imitating art.

My rating: 75%

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Silver Linings Playbook rounded out my trio of rentals this week because there aren't yet any films from this year that I thought would be good enough to offset Die Hard 5 and Gangster Squad. And it turns out I made a very good choice indeed! :D I loved it!
I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking mental illness is a very delicate subject, but I don't think any movie should be interpreted as a parable. I think of this more as a character study of two people helping each other to stand on their own two feet again. (I have heard from Film Brain, though – whom you can usually trust considering how meticulously he researches these things – that it's a pretty realistic depiction of mental illness.)
It's also astonishingly well acted across the board – including, surprisingly, Chris Tucker! :)
I was thoroughly enjoying the movie… up until near the end, when the DVD started skipping to the point where I couldn't watch any more! :( Imagine my frustration! You know, that really pisses me off! Why can't people take good care of DVDs they rent? They're supposed to be public property! Letting a disc get scratched up is downright insensitive to anyone else who wants to rent it! So my final comment is a resounding "fuck you" to whomever let the DVD end up in that state!
But even though I haven't yet seen the ending, I think I can quite safely say that, had I caught this during 2012 itself, it would definitely have been on my favourite movies of the year list – top three easily.

My rating: 90%